IMPROVING YOUR RELATIONSHIP (with your practice)

The PBS program "In the Know" recently aired a segment about successful long term relationships and their health benefits. The main message was that GOOD relationships prolonged both party's lives making them healthier and happier. Beyond the fairly obvious values of communication, trust, time together and sexual satisfaction, two more elements proved to contribute to happy relationship longevity; developing routine, and doing new and challenging things together.

Being in long term relationships with my husband AND yoga I see some parallels to sustaining them both. We've all heard about the health benefits of yoga but to actualize them we have to have a practice. How do the ideals mentioned in happy long term human relationships apply to a healthy relationship with a yoga practice?

COMMUNICATION: A few key communication skills required for healthy human interaction apply to the yoga practice relationship. Be fully present, set aside all other distractions and give the practice your full attention. The greater the focus of attention the greater the communion will be with another or with Self. Communion of our ' limited nature with unlimited consciousness' is yoga defined and begins with this intentional one pointed focus.

TRUST: The phrase, "I trust you", carries an expectation in relationships. All that we can really trust is that each person will be exactly who they think they are in any given situation. Since the mind fluctuates wildly, identifying with it is a poor predictor of reliability and trust. Yoga, often from the very first class, provides an experience of who we are that is deeper, calmer, and more genuine than the fluctuations of the mind. This experience builds trust in the practice which becomes motivation for exploring the relationship further. Yoga assists in revealing the highest version of ourselves to us and to trust and be true to that.

TIME TOGETHER: The author of an article in a men's magazine entitled, "270 seconds to transform a marriage" suggested that busy couples have at least three 90 second periods of uninterrupted daily face time. He suggested one "session" first thing in the morning, one the last thing at night, and one upon reuniting, whenever you have been apart for more that 2 hours. For 90 seconds there is no other agenda than to be completely present and affectionate with one another. A home yoga practice may begin with as little as 10 minutes of uninterrupted time on the mat each day. Honestly, 10 minutes of yoga, 90 seconds of face time can be transformational when made into a habit. Of course the occasional weekend getaway with the spouse or workshop on the mat to deepen the bond between the two is highly recommended.

ECSTACY AND INTIMACY: A healthy sex life that withstands the tests of time would ideally have the elements of relaxation, a deepening of intimacy, and the experience of ecstasy. A satisfying yoga practice also leaves us relaxed and with a more intimate understanding of ourselves. Compassion develops as our self inflicted patterns of pain and judgement are revealed to us. As we sit with these temporal conscious and subconscious patterns, they are owned and transformed by the love, tenderness and forgiveness we extend to them. When even these states of waking and dreaming are transcended, an ecstatic state of Being shines through.

The yoga master Paramahansa Yogananda says that, "when you can prolong the enjoyment of the 1/2 awake and 1/2 asleep state, then you will know about yoga, the conscious communion of your soul with eternal bliss."

DEVELOPING ROUTINE: Constantly negotiating who is going to do the dishes or the laundry contributes to stress, a relationship killer. At some point in our marriage, we gave up on the ideas of my learning to work on my car and my husband making meal plans and grocery lists. We've developed a distribution of duties along the lines of least resistance for both of us which is equitable and liberating.

Yoga practice can also be stressful if there is an expectation of having to do it all, or create something new every time one steps onto the mat. Setting up a consistent opening and closing routine takes the stress out of getting started and knowing how to end leaves a feeling of satisfaction in body and mind. A relatively consistent practice time will build the "samskara" or groove, into your daily routine that reinforces the habit of practice. One suggestion, if time is a premium, is to have a short vigorous practice in the morning and a restorative practice at the end of the work day or before bed.

CHALLENGE: Doing something new and challenging stimulates the release of dopamine and other endorphins into the brain comparable to those present in the system during the first blush of love. Doing something enjoyably challenging and new with a mate can help " bring back that loving feeling". Challenging ourselves in yoga practice keeps it fresh and engaging. This may mean incorporating a new posture into asana practice or adding a quiet element, pranayama or meditation, to a physically active routine.

One of the last points mentioned in the program was the importance of showing affection. This was a determinent of relationship longevity even when couples had arguments that rated 5 on an anger scale of 1-5. If affection was restored or even utilized to quell an argument, the relationship remained healthy.

Patanjali mentions in the yoga sutras that there inevitably comes a time when one's enthusiasm for practice wanes. Like a veritable midlife crisis, yoga students often doubt their path, start looking for other options or decide to give up yoga all together. It is at these times that Patanjali, like a good relationship counselor, says to redouble your efforts. With faith, vitality, enthusiasm and memory of what is good, the affection for practice will return and take the relationship to greater depths than ever before.

NAMASTE,

Lynne

(If you have a request for a topic or a question regarding yoga please submit to my email lynneminton@gmail.com with BLOG POST in subject line and I will address them in future blogs)

RETREAT LESSONS

 

RETREAT LESSONS

One of the many blessings of going on a focused retreat is the simplicity of the daily schedule.    Freedom from daily cares and responsibilities allows one to experience a greater depth of inner awareness and observation.  SwaSwara Resort in Gokarna, Karnataka, India is designed to support the journey inward by relieving all outer stress from day to day life.   Its easy to feel the goodness of life in such surroundings.  The challenge is to carry that feeling into life beyond the retreat.  Most of us do not live a luxurious life being catered to or having throngs of servants to place flowers on our perfectly made beds or gourmet chefs serving us healthy, fresh and organic meals daily. The transition between retreat life and non-retreat life is not always seamless.   However, after 30 years of attending and leading yoga and meditation retreats, it has become much more so.  This is in large part by consciously maintaining the FEELING of being on retreat and in a smaller part, by maintaining a mini-retreat schedule.

A typical retreat schedule is to wake up around sunrise for meditation,  followed by light snack or breakfast (if time allows) before, morning yoga session.   Time for rest, lunch, activity in nature or massage.   Afternoon yoga session, then supper, followed by community event, satsang, kirtan or simply quiet time/meditation or hot tub.   Its not difficult to incorporate at least some of these elements into daily life if even for short periods daily.  Its important to ask yourself why you want to incorporate elements of yoga discipline into your daily life, how much time you have to dedicate to it, and what you feel would be of most benefit to you and your loved ones.

Because these questions are often asked of me I'll answer them here.   My reasons for practicing have changed over the years and the answer to why I practice has become more simple.   I practice meditation to get to know myself better (Self-reatlization) and I practice asana and pranayama because they make me feel really good.  

 My typical day begins with early morning cup of coffee and reading of inspirational lesson or passage followed by 20-30 minutes of meditation.   This is followed by at least 1 hour of yoga asana.  As a yoga teacher, I have the time to extend this or not, but for students, even 15 minutes daily yoga will be a tremendous boon for your well-being.   I rarely miss the morning schedule and on most days will do at least one restorative before making supper.   A meditation practice before bed is sporadic, but an addition that I would like to become a habit.  

The time frame works with my family routine as Jim likes to meditate with me in the morning, but generally not AS early as I would like, thus the coffee/reading ritual for me as he gets a few more winks and then coffee in bed before joining me for meditation.   The cat likes the extended snuggle time too.  

The FEELING of retreat is generally related to less busyness, peaceful surroundings, positive input verses media bombardment, feelings and expression of gratitude and appreciation.   The first three can certainly be negotiated and implemented in small incremental steps  according to your desire.      It is said that judgement and appreciation are mutually exclusive, so the next time you catch yourself with judgmental thoughts practice a little Nirodha (see previous blog)---stop, pull in, smooth the mind and find something to appreciate, preferably about the object of your judgement, but if that's not possible, about anything, and see how the feeling changes inside. The practice supports the Feeling and the Feeling motivates the practice.  

   

   

   

ONE VOICE

 

ONE VOICE

 

A few years ago, on the occasion of a yoga studio anniversary, myself and a couple of friends sang a song entitled "One Voice".  The lyrics say, in part, " this is the sound of one voice....the sound of one who makes a choice."   Book III sutras 9-12  of Patanjali's Yoga Sutras relate three stages of the transformation of consciousness that lead one through a process of choosing to observe, expand and stabilize the choice between two inner voices.   One voice leads to a disturbed and scattered state of mind and the other one observes the first with compassionate clarity.

 

The first voice is the inner commentator which compares, contrasts, and voices its opinion on everything.  Much like the 24/7 editorial broadcaster, it goes on and on perpetuating drama, conflict and well, ratings...how am I doing? :>)   It is the voice of uncultured consciousness demanding  undivided attention before it will settle down, or not.  Sutra III.9 says, "The study of the silent moments between rising and restraining subliminal impressions is the transformation toward  NIRODHA." (BKS Iyenger Light On Yoga Sutras).  

 

Penny Pierce, in her book Frequency maintains that "when dynamically observed, consciousness learns to calm itself, enlarging the intermission pause between thoughts."   Sanskrit Scholar Dr. Katyayani Poole, breaks down the work Nirodha as NI--to annihilate, RO--to pull in, DHA--to smooth out.   As the first of the three transformations, Nirodha, is a profound psychological tool to diminsh chaos or panic in the mind.

 

To  illustrate the first step NI, to annihilate or STOP the excitable mind, an experiment that my brother and sister in law and I undertook one year while vacationing in Hawaii comes to mind.  Because we desired a peaceful vacation and realized that we could all become mentally "disturbed" by our passionat political discussions, we assigned some playful consequences, specific to each one of us, that would be imposed if we brought up the subject of politics during the next 24 hours.  What an eye opener!

 

The Buddha is credited to have answered a devotee's question on what is required to become enlightened with the answer, "Stop stirring yourselve's up". Our little experiment revealed our self inflicted role in that process.   We caught ourselves edging into the discussion danger zone and applying NI or NO to the mind more times than we would have imagined.  Instead of getting all stirred up, we transformed that energy into laughter and insight.  The experiment was so successful in keeping our moods happy and mindful that the next year my brother suggested we do it for the entire week.

 

Our experiment worked on a somewhat superficial level, but what to do when the mind is really in chaos or panic?   Nirodha parinamah outlines a similar path to one Penny Pierce recommends as well.  

1.  Hit the pause button (NI)

2.  Enter the Body more deeply (RO)

3.  Expand your energy to accept and embrace rather than restrain the chaotic energy.  (DHA)  Even saying da-HA, slowly has a relaxing and expanding feel inside.  It is the call to relax and let go. To allow the soothing voice beneath the chaos to emerge.

 

All thoughts are manifesting as physical sensations and emotional waves in the body.  It is necessary to stop and really feel how the chaotic thoughts are impacting the body before transforming them.  If there is pain (contracted energy),  being fully attentive to it rather than resisting or denying it, is an effective tool for getting blocked or contracted energy moving again.  This is one of the many blessings of a focused asana, pranayama or meditation practice.

 

When the pause  button is hit and the mind enters the body deeply, it naturally begins to calm down and enter into a more receptive state.  The mind becomes receptive to the witness voice. 

 

"When the mind's silence begins,  the soul's silence ceases" is a favorite spiritual aphorism.  The Soul's voice is the One Voice that, when chosen over the inner commentater, gives the perspective and encouragement to live life with peace, purpose and in celebraton of its mystery.   Then, say's sutra III.10 "The transformation (nirodha) of rising impressions will bring about an undisturbed flow of tranquility".    A simple choice.

SOUL FOOD

Now and then, there is a little uprising by some folks or others, saying that yoga is against their religion, or claiming that yoga is a religion and should be avoided by those who belong to their faith. As if yoga is something to fear. If we look at the definition of yoga in BKS Iyengar's Light On Yoga, it says, “the system of yoga (yug=to yoke) is so called because it teaches the means by which the jivatma (individual human spirit or soul) can be united (or “yoked”) to, or be in communion with, the Paramatma (Supreme Universal Spirit).” The means is the eight fold path of yoga which trains the whole being to look within, not to an outer authority, for its grounding in unlimited, loving consciousness. Thus, yoga could enhance ones practice of their chosen religion, yet is not limited to those who do.

The best definition of the Soul that I have come across recently is from a book entitled, The Intuitive Way, by Penny Pierce. In it she says, “the soul is a function of consciousness that interconnects the individual with the universal.” Yoga establishes one in that function of consciousness called the soul.

And the soul is without fear.

Every so often, I have a dream of being in the middle of a natural disaster, usually a flood. But, sometime during the dream, I realize that I am not at all afraid, its just an experience and I begin to enjoy it. When I think of the great spiritual masters of history, who faced tremendous resistance, obstacles, and violence and yet carried on without any compromise of their love for humanity, I think, perhaps, they lived life in the realization of the soul, fearless. They seem to have enjoyed the experience. They seem not to have been attached to expectations and outcomes so were not driven to distractions that compromised their inner peace and purpose. The obstacles brought out their skillfulness and enhanced their self-empowerment rather than self-defeat.

In the Athabascan folklore, Raven represents the creator of the universe. In Anne Hanley’s delightful play, “The Winter Bear”(at Cyrano's through 11/14), Raven conjures up a snow storm just as a search team is looking for a missing woman in the wilderness. Wolf, a member of the team, says to Raven, “This is NOT fun and games”, to which Raven replies, “Cosmically, Everything is fun and games.” The universal message appears to be, enjoy the obstacle course, enhance your skills, don’t take things so seriously. Stay on purpose and have fun with it!

Namaste,

Lynne

CALMLY INACTIVE

Greetings Everyone,

This blog is replacing "Home Page Reflections" from the previous website. The new website format will have a page for this blog. You can access the blog alone if you would like to see what is new for the month by going directly to http://lynneminton.blogspot.com/

Beyond keeping you updated on yoga offerings, the intention for this monthly installment is to share some wisdom from the two yoga masters who have been my inspiration for over 3 decades: BKS Iyengar and Swami Paramahansa Yoganada. Their influence is a daily presence, and when my attunement is strong, remarkably poignant to the needs of the moment.

This is a big transition time in my life as Jim and I contemplate moving out of Alaska, after several decades of living here. Our critical plan had us on a very manageable timeline that culminated in selling the house in Anchorage by September 1. We would drive out of state to Northern Arizona where we would be all settled in and looking for a new home by mid-October. But, one the contrary, there has been no house sale yet, and our forward momentum has come to a whining halt (that would be us doing the whining).

A quote from a reading by Yogananda this week stated, "There are two times in life that strong will power to calm the mind is required, when everything is happening at once, and when nothing is happening." Iyengar is renowned for saying, "when you are happy, practice, when you are sad, practice, when you are excited, practice, when you are bored, practice." This is perhaps the first time in my life that I have not had a sense of when and how the next step will unfold. I credit the wisdom of yoga and the anchoring in the practice for keeping me grounded in the moment and not frustrated by the lack of momentum.

Yogananda stresses the importance of being "calmly active and actively calm". There are those who have found as much inspiration by practicing the art of being "calmly inactive". Ekhardt Tolle is renowned for having written The Power of Now after spending one year doing nothing but sitting on a park bench. I just happen to know where the nearest one is.

Let it come you

Let it come to you

On one of our recent beautiful autumn days, we were walking on the coastal trail and I recognized a man coming our way as a local access channel spiritual teacher. I discovered his program while channel surfing one Thursday evening and spotting a recognizable lineage of Yoga Gurus posted on the wall of his program’s set. The rest of the set is embellished with blinking traffic lights and traffic cones with the words “mind control” in reflective tape. The shear tackiness of it got my attention and endeared me to this person who so obviously values the message over the image. And the message is good!

Everything begins in consciousness. Control the wavering mind and you will perceive the Truth behind phenomena. As we spoke to Roger on the coastal trail and commented on the beauty of the day, his response was, “Yes it is beautiful, but there’s nothing out there for me. I’ve learned to go inside for what I need and then let it come to me. Its so simple and yet people make it so hard.”

This is one of the most joyful truths I know. I no longer doubt this truth, that what we hold in consciousness is what we manifest in the physical world. It is always a delight to have the heart’s desires, the support one needs, the “coincidental” meeting, appear at just the right time and place to fulfill a specific need. And it is just as true that when our outer world is chaotic or fear-filled, individually or collectively, we need look no further than into our own mind state to instigate a change. To steady the wavering mind is to hold it on the highest thought and then allow that thought to infuse our presence, like water permeating the soil rather than running off of a concrete surface. In this way a reservoir of inner strength, peace, joy and love builds within that we can draw on, not only for our own nourishment but also, to water the seeds of this consciousness in those around us.

Aum, Peace, Shanti,
Lynne

NON-GRASPING

Book II. Sutra 39 
"Knowledge of past and future comes to one who is free of grasping for possessions."

From Light on Yoga Sutras of Patanjali by BKS Iyengar

A new year brings reflection on the past and contemplation of the future. Patanjali claims in the sutra II. 39 (see side bar) that we can gain knowledge of past and future lives by practicing aparigraha.
“Aparigraha”, literally means non-grasping, and is one of the 5 moral precepts that comprise the first limb of Yoga called Yama. Many sutra books refer to the practice as non-greed or non-hoarding of material possessions. It is easy to fathom the wisdom of this precept when we conjure images of a stingy miser or an avaricious desperado stockpiling gold. In today’s world, the golden parachutes of CEO’s of failing corporations epitomize not only greed but also the illusion of separateness (Maya) between Wall St. and Main St. Selfishness and short-sightedness are implicit in this type of grasping. If actions do not change, the future is gimly predictable.
But, we can also “grasp” the reality of a situation, we can grasp the truth that leads to necessary change. Our future is not predestined by outside forces, but by the actions we take based on the beliefs that we live by. Dr. Joseph Murphy (the Power of your Subconscious Mind) defines belief as, “the thoughts we habitually dwell on and ACCEPT as TRUE.” Hoarding and greed underlie a belief in lack that will manifest in worry, fear, and potentially in loss and failure. Being unselfish and charitable come from a BELIEF that there is enough, that the more that is given, the more is received. It manifests in a mentally relaxed view of a generous world.
There is a wonderful Hasidic fable of heaven and hell. The scene is exactly the same in both cases; a room with steaming pots filled with aromatic broth and stew. In one room the occupants are emaciated, starving, and desparate. The spoons are too long for them to hold and reach their own mouths. In the other room, the occupants are laughing, vitally healthy, and celebrating life. They are feeding each other.
Their future is secure. Pranams,
Lynne